I guess it all stems from balancing, like that DailyOm article mentioned. While this blog was created to help me find my inner balance, my... outer balance is pretty steady. What do I mean by outer balance? I guess I mean the version of myself that strangers get to meet-- the smiling face, the friendly chatter, the jokes. What I mean to say is that I'm at peace with how I am perceived in general.
In all sincerity, I love that person. She's bright and thoughtful and loving. So what's missing inside? That's what I've been trying to figure out.
People have always been kind to me (I certainly have conflicts and issues... but I'm talking about my general day to day interactions). People have actually been very giving and complimentary to me. But I was raised not to take those comments to heart-- and I understand why, because yes, talk is easy. And I shouldn't get an ego, etc...
But I think I should start listening to them a bit. Because although I love the external me, I feel like the reason my internal self is lacking because I don't allow myself to absorb any of this abundant positivity that's thrown at me.
In an effort to remain humble, I've let my inner self suffer. I smile and am thankful for kind words, and I share my appreciation, but it never really reaches my heart. I should let them.
I had a lovely Skype date with one of my best friends this morning, and I had rolled out of bed and was wearing a lumpy plaid shirt. But he kept remarking how bright I looked, and so today I tried to take the comment to heart.
Old photos of Yuang and I
Our Starbucks delivery guy, who is Spanish, once thought I was Spanish. Now he smiles and calls me Spanish Girl. I know that's not really a compliment, but I guess in that case, I would normally dismiss the connection entirely. But it's nice that he takes the time to be nice, since they are usually so surly.
I get uncomfortable when a compliment lasts too long, and so I guess another thing I'm adding to my list of things to do is to... absorb the good more, instead of relying on myself. I'm proud that I can always pick myself up-- I've done so from very grave situations, but maybe I don't have to pick myself up from the smaller situations. It'd be nice to have a little reserve of positivity on hand. :)
Looking forward to visiting one of my best friends, Justin, in St. Kitts this weekend!!! Our friend Antoine is flying in from France too, and Justin's girlfriend Natalie is coming too. It's the perfect time to go!!
No comments:
Post a Comment