The Future and Being 22

I had reached the point in my worry where it had started to manifest itself physically. I don't mean that I began to have headaches, or even migraines. I had symptoms so bizarre that my cool-as-a-cucumber doctor was amazed. I had symptoms that were supposedly exclusive to those with cystic fibrosis.

And I obviously couldn't continue living like that. So I started thinking. And I got better-- not 100%, but better. I think a lot, too much at times, but I try to be as self reflective as possible. I want to be the best version of myself, always.

(Even now, I just had a pang in my stomach - probably some stress).

Despite my improvement though, I needed further help. My mother and Mario suggested seeing a nutritionist for more naturopathic advice, but I'd like to argue that I eat quite well-- lots of fruit, whole grains, etc.

So late one night recently, I ordered two books from Amazon.ca. One was "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie.

I'm only on Chapter 2, but he talks about accepting the worse: "...acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of misfortune." It seems obvious, but it's easy to forget this when one is plagued and boggled by stress.

So here's my situation:

I applied to two schools for graduate studies. It was a stressful process-- and if I did it again, perhaps it wouldn't be so stressful. But as the book quotes David Seabury: "We come to maturity with as little preparation for the pressures of experience as a bookworm asked to do a ballet."

In retrospect I'm sure it will all seem a breeze, but I had already predicted this. It didn't make the present process any easier, because it was all so new to me, and I felt so lost and unguided.

But now that my applications are in, I'm trying to overcome my present anxieties. Laurier has accepted me into their program, but Ryerson has yet to decide. I was incredibly worried over the fact that Laurier was expecting a decision before Ryerson would have made up their mind.

But the worst case scenario is that I will have gotten into one school with an entrance scholarship-- which was actually increased after speaking with the director. It's not that I want to go to Ryerson particularly yet, I haven't honestly decided where I want to go. I know that's not why I'm so worried. I'm worried about the blow to my ego, I'm worried about feeling not good enough. Shouldn't everyone want me?

So I need to overcome this. I think saying it out loud to someone will make me feel better. That'll be my next step. The worst case scenario is far from bad, so hopefully my body will realize this soon enough.