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Music

I was in a rut. I blamed it on the fact that I needed to be saving money, but I was really wasting my summer days. I spent the last few weeks watching all three seasons of White Collar. While Matt Bomer is cute, the show isn't particularly gripping... but there I was, mindlessly letting the calendar pages fly.

Then today, suddenly, I somehow found this great music mix http://gigawattdesign.com/tunes/1.1.html

Suddenly I appreciated the sunny weather, the clean white walls of my apartment, the antique crystal chandelier, the beauty of having a day off alone at home.

I felt no inclination to fill up my social calendar. Instead, I did exactly what I wanted to do. I ate a grilled cheese sandwich. I had a PB&J as my dessert for that meal. I defrosted a few slabs of thickly sliced bacon so that I could make bacon carbonara later tonight.

I read a book by my old philosophy professor, Mark Kingwell, and now I'm off to flip through some risk management articles. I finally WANT to read them.

I love days like today. So beautiful and relaxed.

lucky like a clover

What happened to updating? I suppose it's been only a month since I last updated... this blog was supposed to be for myself anyways, no?

So what's been making me happy recently?

Going to Buffalo, NY with my friend Alex was great... not necessarily because of what I stocked up on at Target (and how excited I was at how much cheaper everything was)...



...but because it was a fun, breezy girl's day. You know?

I participated in Kiehl's 7 Day Challenge, and so far I'm pretty happy with the serums.



I don't think I can afford their $80 Powerful Strength Line Reducing concentrate, even with their $15 off offer... but my goal this summer is to take better care of my skin (i.e. water and sunscreen - even though my SPF 55 peels off of my skin oddly...)

There was a spontaneous night at the Drake Hotel, and thankfully my friend Amy tagged along so I wouldn't be the only girl going. I love their old fashioned photobooth:



And as always, my beloved peonies are in season. The sight of peonies literally soothes my soul and heart.



On my balcony, there's a cute little garden going... I found the first baby strawberry of the year. It was so darling. I picked it so I wouldn't find it attacked by bugs the next day.



Have been able to meet up with my best friend Shobi more often. Recently went to Mercatto together, and another time we went to Little India where I got henna done. It's just so nice to do different things like that.





I'm pretty sure La Palette is still my favorite brunch place in Toronto, but Frank at the AGO was outstanding. I went with my friend Jen and it was such a nice time. I loved their goat cheese carrot souffle - I'm very picky about breakfast food, and it hit the spot. Plus, they had a giant display of peonies when I walked in (I swear I'm not biased). The whole vibe was very cool though, I have to go back again soon!



I guess to top off my "recent faves", I recently had a wonderful low key evening with my friends Ramy and Matei. We just shopped around, and then finished the night with some red wine, Julie & Julia, chocolate, wine, and silly chatter.



Have to keep filling my summer with these happy memories! I'm trying to avoid imagining the brutality of the next Canadian winter.

Quick note

Today was a good productive day:

Had work 7a-12p
Met Alex for lunch at Raa-- new Japanese restaurant I've been dying to try. Amazing! So cute.
We went to Winners, then Shoppers (I was a little too excited, buying a new razor. Listen, they're expensive okay? Mine was, like, half off and pink. No shame.) then hit up Fairview Mall while catching up.
Then I met my friend Graham at Futures for dessert (ate a giant slab of Butterscotch Crunch cake), then Samya came. She and I grabbed tea at Aroma, then went to BMV where I bought a book of poems by Pablo Neruda and a cookbook for my mom.
Read half of the Neruda anthology on the way home.
Worked out, had a post workout snack (carrots and hummus, and an orange)
Then saw the new prom episode of Glee.

Sleep now!

Only downside is that tickets to France went from $1212 to $1560 :(

Back

Sometimes the littlest thing will throw me off track. For the last few days, I've felt so insecure and lost.

But it was the littlest thing that got me back on the right course. I feel good now. Things are in perspective, and I think (for the first time) I'm finally excited about what's to come.

Annnnd for some reason my right hand has gone numb and is filled with pins and needles.

The Future and Being 22

I had reached the point in my worry where it had started to manifest itself physically. I don't mean that I began to have headaches, or even migraines. I had symptoms so bizarre that my cool-as-a-cucumber doctor was amazed. I had symptoms that were supposedly exclusive to those with cystic fibrosis.

And I obviously couldn't continue living like that. So I started thinking. And I got better-- not 100%, but better. I think a lot, too much at times, but I try to be as self reflective as possible. I want to be the best version of myself, always.

(Even now, I just had a pang in my stomach - probably some stress).

Despite my improvement though, I needed further help. My mother and Mario suggested seeing a nutritionist for more naturopathic advice, but I'd like to argue that I eat quite well-- lots of fruit, whole grains, etc.

So late one night recently, I ordered two books from Amazon.ca. One was "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie.

I'm only on Chapter 2, but he talks about accepting the worse: "...acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of misfortune." It seems obvious, but it's easy to forget this when one is plagued and boggled by stress.

So here's my situation:

I applied to two schools for graduate studies. It was a stressful process-- and if I did it again, perhaps it wouldn't be so stressful. But as the book quotes David Seabury: "We come to maturity with as little preparation for the pressures of experience as a bookworm asked to do a ballet."

In retrospect I'm sure it will all seem a breeze, but I had already predicted this. It didn't make the present process any easier, because it was all so new to me, and I felt so lost and unguided.

But now that my applications are in, I'm trying to overcome my present anxieties. Laurier has accepted me into their program, but Ryerson has yet to decide. I was incredibly worried over the fact that Laurier was expecting a decision before Ryerson would have made up their mind.

But the worst case scenario is that I will have gotten into one school with an entrance scholarship-- which was actually increased after speaking with the director. It's not that I want to go to Ryerson particularly yet, I haven't honestly decided where I want to go. I know that's not why I'm so worried. I'm worried about the blow to my ego, I'm worried about feeling not good enough. Shouldn't everyone want me?

So I need to overcome this. I think saying it out loud to someone will make me feel better. That'll be my next step. The worst case scenario is far from bad, so hopefully my body will realize this soon enough.

Staying True

Often I've been told to start a YouTube channel, or to write a serious blog. What I mean by serious is that I should be writing about relevant things - things that would attract traffic, like restaurant reviews, etc. And while I certainly have my strong opinions about food, the whole purpose of my happy blog was to not have to worry about what others thought.

I often struggle with finding balance. You obviously have to push yourself in order to grow, and not get comfortable. But at the same time, I don't want to spend my entire life striving for the future. I want to be happy with my present as well. In terms of my career, I try to keep tabs on what I need to get where I want to go. But (and there always seems to be that "but") I'm so young, don't I have my whole life to figure that out? Isn't that the big problem with people in their 20s-- trying to have everything figured out right away? I've been told by my older friends that you try and try so hard, but you never end up where you think you will, so you might as well not kill yourself over it. I'm trying to listen to that advice.



Yesterday was my one year anniversary with Mario. There were many culinary adventures, and part of me thought "Oh I should write about the food in detail. I should practice food writing" and yet, while I love talking about food, I still don't know if I would want a career out of it. And part of me wants to keep our weekend private.

So instead I'm just going to post some of the photo booth pictures we took at a subway station, all the David's Tea I bought (Toasted Walnut, Quangzhou Milk Oolong, Secret Weapon, Organic Pu'erh Ginger, and Fantasy Island), and a book I found while we were looking in the bargain section of Book City.

I'm trying to ask myself "Why am I doing this?" before I act nowadays. If it's purely because I feel obligated to, or for others, then I try my best not to. And so, this is all I'll be sharing for now :)